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> How to Properly Masturbate, Oh, you didn't know?
Trip Machina
post Aug 31 2006, 02:56 AM
Post #1


The Shadow
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Hello people, some years ago when DDR Mania X was actually ACTIVE, I had made and posted an explanation on how to properly masturbate in the "Masturbation" thread, but it was lost overtime, so I re-created and improved it. Since I'm a guy who isn't too familiar with the almighty cunt, I won't be able to give a good explanation on how girls should properly masturbate. This is mainly for the guys.


Disclaimer: I made this mainly for the cut (circumsized) since I'm cut, so I am not sure if it will help the uncut as much.





From my experience, I noticed that masturbation can be good, bad, bothersome, tiresome, etc. etc. The various factors come from various methods of masturbation. What I'm focusing on is something that can be good ALL/damn-nearly ALL the time when it comes to doing this; when I was 15, I had discovered this technique for myself.


I call this The Tissue Technique.



It's not too difficult to learn this technique, so here's what you do:



Step #1
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Go the the bathroom and grab a strip of toilet tissue that is long enough to reach from your shoulder to your ankle (about 10-12 tearable squares long).

Step #2
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Roll/Fold the long strip of tissue so that there will be one thick square overall.
Tip: You can start folding with the middle of the long strip first and work your way in (it's faster this way)

Step #3
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Note: You should have a thick square tissue in your hand from the previous folding.
Put your fingers (middles+thumbs) in the middle of the square tissue and tear it straight down all the way.

Step #4
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-Take a look at "flaps" that you created from tearing it straight down. This is important.

-Turn the entire square tissue so that the gap is horizontal.

-You will then open up the gap around to fit the penis and grab both flaps with your right index, thumb, etc.

-With your left index, thumb, etc., grab the left side of the tissue.

-Pull both flaps down for that "in 'da hole" feeling...tissue will be flat on both front and back of penis.

-The penis should now be firmly surrounded by the thick tissue.

Step #5
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With your hands in place on each side of the tissue, begin the pleasurable ascending and descending motions until climax is reached. The soft, fluffy tissue will be the culprit in stimuutf8g the penis.



For those who feel uncomfortable or find that it doesn't "feel good", that's perfectly understable because if you're used to using your hand (whether moist or dry), you're just not used to this new feeling yet. This is most probably because using the hand itself can desensitize the penis, causing you to have to work harder for the climax. Use the Tissue Technique for about a week and you should eventually get used to it. There are benefits to using this technique too!
  • (+)Faster and Easier Cleanup
  • (+)Makes penis more sensitive
  • (+)Feels better than dry hand
  • (+)...maybe even better than moist hand
  • (+)Can increase sexual thrust
The type of tissue can matter too. I particularly prefer Charmin tissue over most since it's so soft. This is more of a "for best results" recommendation.




For those who use The Hand
I personally advise you all to use the Tissue Technique because using your hand has disadvantages:
  • (-)AWFUL cleanup (you know the deal)
  • (-)Desensitizes penis
  • (-)Can cause injury if you're too wild
  • (-)Why the hell use dry hand anyways?! XD
It's still OK to use your hand (whether moist or dry) from time to time, but I recommend you use this tissue technique because I believe it's healthier and it FEELS HELLA BETTER. Sure you can use the hand from time to time, but using it ALL the time will only lead to more desensitization...and we all know, most of the time while masturbating, we don't always think about giving an imaginary person an imaginary orgasm which you would imagine that would supposedly take hours (like REAL sex), so less desensitization FTW! =D



I believe this method is the proper way to masturbate.


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All you DDRist's, try Trip Machine with the bass turned up!!



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Jadin
post Aug 31 2006, 03:18 AM
Post #2


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That's it. I'm fucking done with this place.


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[21:17:43] <+Jadin> sry I fell asleep making spaghetti
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kappaiidx
post Aug 31 2006, 03:49 AM
Post #3


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This is definitely the weirdest topic on VJArmy yet.


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ParaParaKing
post Aug 31 2006, 04:11 AM
Post #4


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I hope, that I'm dreaming and this topic isn't actually here.
Then again it would be really scary if this is a dream.
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TheKnightOfNee
post Aug 31 2006, 04:56 AM
Post #5


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What the hell.


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BBH
post Aug 31 2006, 05:23 AM
Post #6


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Kirby Kirby Kirb...
post Aug 31 2006, 06:17 AM
Post #7


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I thought the "Stealing Panties" thread on some other board I go to was very disturbing.

Seriously, WHAT THE FUCK.
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chotto kiitena
post Aug 31 2006, 06:22 AM
Post #8


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the original post and Paul Longcat have cancelled each other out

there is now no topic here

also: what the fuck

like I saw this during class but obviously didn't click on it but I hoped it was a joke of some kind :/

I mean I'm sure this is useful information but APPROPRIATENESS FACTOR


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Sardius
post Aug 31 2006, 06:25 AM
Post #9


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QUOTE(Trip Machina @ Aug 31 2006, 02:56 AM) [snapback]84606[/snapback]
Since I'm a guy who isn't too familiar with the almighty cunt

ha ha ha you don't say


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this thread is the nadir of my very important japanese rhythm game experience >:(((
QUOTE(Spiral Zer0 @ Aug 30 2006, 01:25 AM) [snapback]84394[/snapback]
why do black people have to be so stupid sometimes
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Akur0
post Aug 31 2006, 06:49 AM
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OHHHHHHHH SHIT

in all honesty all I need is a paper towel some lotion and hopefully a goat.


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One Niceass Indi...
post Aug 31 2006, 08:33 AM
Post #11


they keep referring to me as that
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dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls dickgirls

edit: you mention not being able to help out girls...since when do ANY girls visit this place?


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mind the gap
post Aug 31 2006, 08:38 AM
Post #12


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That guy in the diagram looks an awful lot like BLEE...


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djplaeskool
post Aug 31 2006, 08:59 AM
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1:14 AM.
Rislim -Remix-


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FrozenHalo
post Aug 31 2006, 09:04 AM
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.................................
WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKKKK


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Axem Rangers
post Aug 31 2006, 11:18 AM
Post #15


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Hahaha, oh god, how drunk are you?


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I respond so fast I might break the prison glass.
So you're saying you should be able to act like this to a forum administrator, or a teacher, or a police officer, or your own parents and get away with it. You're supposed to respect these folks.

If you or a friend has the Sailor Moon S (uncut) boxset, or any of the Sailor Moon movies (uncut), and would like to sell or trade them, please contact me!
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The way I see it, me and Axem are lucky in that we have around 4 years to avoid becoming an utter fuckup like you. It's a nice feeling, being young.
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UKNaruto
post Aug 31 2006, 11:45 AM
Post #16


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Wow, what the fuck.


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TheKnightOfNee
post Aug 31 2006, 12:24 PM
Post #17


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QUOTE (chickensnack @ Jan 13 2007, 07:11 PM)
The sequel to 2Hot2Eat will be called The Hot and the Eat: Tokyo Drift
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UKNaruto
post Aug 31 2006, 12:34 PM
Post #18


Tranoid
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Ps you guys know this is some copypasta right?

At least I hope it is....


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Krazy
post Aug 31 2006, 12:38 PM
Post #19


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Uh I don't think it is because then random words wouldn't be colorized in his post which is something he does. And I don't think it's copied from the old DDRMX since it's pretty dead. wtf this place keeps getting dumber and dumber.

listen to yourself
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Trip Machina
post Aug 31 2006, 12:48 PM
Post #20


The Shadow
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QUOTE(UKNaruto @ Aug 31 2006, 12:34 PM) [snapback]84664[/snapback]

Ps you guys know this is some copypasta right?

At least I hope it is....

No, I typed every word myself.
OMG I've already explained this in the beginning. XD

I created and posted something similar to this on DDRMX years ago, but it was lost after twen or whoever screwed up the database....but then DDRMX got screwed again somehow, so I just left after it died. After years, I decide to re-create it improved (with better explanation) here. The only person I know that 'may' remember the DDRMX post is MazriM.

I'm not one to copy&paste/copypasta without accrediting the creators.
Besides, I RARELY even copy & paste for my posts. o_O


Did any of you ACTUALLY read through the 1st post?


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